Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
