Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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