just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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