If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
