I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
