I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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