I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
