sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
