I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
