its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
