and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
