you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
