i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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