Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
