I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
