I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
