is your mom at the bar?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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