guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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