The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
