I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
