She is in my trunk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
