he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
