for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
