we have officially mastered the walk of shame
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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