He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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