Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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