but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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