Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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