Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
