You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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