It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
