Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
