Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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