Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
