i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
