Your tits are I can't wait for
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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