Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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