I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
