You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
