You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
