i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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