I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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