Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
