I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
