I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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