So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
sex in a hospital.. check
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
