I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
