I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
