dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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