New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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