My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
