Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
