She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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