Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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