I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
