Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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