So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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