I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
