xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
