I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
