and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
