it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
