I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
