last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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