My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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