Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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