Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
