worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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