you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
