The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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