you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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